Cutting Ties the Right Way: How to End Toxic Relationships in Recovery

Let’s talk about something most people avoid—cutting toxic people out of your life. I’m not here to sugarcoat things, and I won’t hold back. If you’re serious about staying clean and building a life that’s not just about survival, but living fulfilled, you have to face some uncomfortable truths. One of those truths is this: the people in your life either help or hurt your recovery. There’s no middle ground.

When you come out of detox or treatment, it’s not just about avoiding substances. It’s about completely resetting and building a lifestyle without addiction. And let’s be real—some people are dead weight. They’ll drag you down, and you know exactly who they are. So, how do you deal with it?

Most therapists or recovery centers will tell you to delete their number and just “move on.” It doesn't work.

That’s like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. You’re just fading them out, leaving the door cracked open for them to circle back in. Think about it: when you haven’t slammed that door shut, all it takes is one call, one text from them, and bam—you’re back in the cycle. I had a client relapse because he didn’t close his relationship with his dealer properly. When the dealer reached out, he slipped back into old habits (his subconscious mind took control like a machine). And it could’ve been avoided.

So, let me tell you what really works. I’m giving you the exact process for ending toxic relationships the right way. Follow this, and you’ll stop leaving any room for doubt.

Step 1: Do This With Support

Don’t go solo. You need your therapist or recovery coach present. They’ll help you keep it clean and focused. The goal is to sever ties, not create more drama or emotional fallout. If you’re serious about moving forward, you need someone to help you keep that line in the sand.

Step 2: Identify the Toxic People

Whether it’s your dealer or the so-called friend who encourages your bad habits, you already know who needs to go. Don’t hesitate—write down their names. This is your life we’re talking about.

Step 3: Make the Call

This part is super important: do not just text them. You need to make the call. Why? Because texting is the easy way out. It leaves things unfinished. You need to be direct, and that means using your voice. It might be uncomfortable, but it must be done this way.

Step 4: Prepare Them for It

Start the conversation with something like, “This might come as a shock,” or “This isn’t going to be easy to hear.” Give them a moment to prepare for impact. You don’t need to sugarcoat or have any "fluff" with it, but give them a heads-up so they’re not blindsided.

Step 5: End it With Clarity

Here’s the magic: start with “I need.” As in, “I need to close this relationship,” or “I need to step away from this friendship.” Notice how I didn’t say, “Because you did this” or “Because you’re toxic.” This isn’t about blaming them. It’s about you. When you make it clear that it’s something you need, they can’t argue. This isn’t about them, it’s about your survival.

Step 6: Keep it Short

Don’t explain. Don’t list all the reasons. Just end it. Whether you want to wish them well or simply say, “Don’t contact me again,” is up to you. But don’t drag it out. The longer you talk, the more emotional it can get or worse... arguments or unhealthy conversations will ensue.

And one more thing: this is where most people fail. They think they need to explain why they’re cutting ties. You don’t owe anyone that. Just cut it clean. Move on. This is about your future, not their feelings.

Take Control of Your Life

If you’re reading this and know there are people in your life holding you back, it’s time to make the call. Don’t wait. Don’t make excuses. You’re in charge of your own recovery. The longer you let toxic people hang around, the more they’ll drag you back into the darkness you’ve been fighting so hard to escape.

And if you need someone to walk with you through the process, we’re here at Holding Doors. We specialize in helping people not just survive recovery but succeed in all categories of life as they move forward past addiction.

If you’re ready to take action, visit holdingdoors.com and schedule a call with us. We’ll help you take the next step in your journey. No more excuses, no more waiting.

Let’s do this together.